butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she peed on how many people?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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