do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
