Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
