Don't make out with my wife yet
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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