I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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