he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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