Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
