He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
