Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
