That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my shit smells like andre
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
