Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
