Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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