Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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