So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
