i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
