I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
