drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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