her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
