i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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