I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
