Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
