You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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