i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
