I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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