her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
whose parrot is this?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
