He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
