hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
