Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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