Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
