You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
