Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
