I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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