i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sext me about skeletons
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
