Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
