she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
