...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
