he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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