to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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