I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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