Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
