stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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