wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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