when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
