what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize