i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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