He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
