I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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