the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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