you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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