Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
