Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh god it's open bar.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
