Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your dad touched me again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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