When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
