Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
