Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
