Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
