at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
