look no pants
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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