3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
