the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
