its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
