no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
