am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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