They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
