You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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