we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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