It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He did a backflip because drugs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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