I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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