so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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