You're completely useless in the revolution.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
