You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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