I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
