2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't put those talents on a resume
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
