I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
