guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
