I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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