Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
